


No Light at the end of the Tunnel

by JFACHardyzRKO



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dark, Episode: s12e01 Keep Calm and Carry On, Gen, Kidnapped Sam, Rating based on typical Supernatural violence, Sad, Season 12 episode 1, Spoilers for S12, Suicidal Thoughts, and mental instability, mentions of canon torture, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2016-10-15
Packaged: 2018-08-22 14:53:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8289809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JFACHardyzRKO/pseuds/JFACHardyzRKO
Summary: Sam's been held captive by the British Men of Letters for days now and his hold on reality is breaking.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is kind of dark and there is no happy ending I'm so sorry. I just. Had feelings. 
> 
> ENJOY

It’s been days, he thinks. Days locked up in the old cellar, nothing to eat since he’s been there and only a sip or two of water. And even that only comes when he’s being tortured. Freezing cold showers, a blow torch to the foot, ribs, back. That was nothing really, he’s had worse. He’s _done_ worse. The shots though. 

He’s had three, he believes. Each time, the visions get less cloudy and he sees quite clearly all the people who are dead because of him. He sees his own hands take Kevin’s life. He sees Charlie’s lifeless body in that bathtub because _he_ wanted her help. He sees the damage he did to Dean in that old cemetary. It’s all as clear as day to him and if he wasn’t so hell bent on killing the British bitch who has him locked up, he’d have ended the suffering days ago. God knows there’s no other reason to keep going. With Dean gone, he has nothing left to live for.

This time when he opens his eyes after his fourth (maybe, it feels like he’s been prodded four times) shot, he hears yelling. He’s been secured back into the hard chair, his hands and feet bound. The noise is kind of distant, mostly muffled, but he can hear the inflection in their tones; knows it’s people arguing. A man’s voice is the loudest by far, a woman following up each shout of his with one of her own. Then a gun shot. Then a loud crash and suddenly there’s people in front of him. Three, he thinks. His eyes won’t stay open long enough to focus on them. The ringing in his ears returns and he can’t take it. Not right now. 

His eyes squeeze shut tight, as if that will quiet the noise in his head. Belatedly he realizes he’s shaking, probably a mix of hypothermia setting in and low blood sugar. 

The voices start to come back again, this time slightly clearer, but the ringing in ears drowns out any actual words. He wants to open his eyes, figure out what they’re planning to do to him next but he’s afraid of what he’ll see. Not of their ppanned torture but the visions. 

His reflexes take the option away from him when he feels hands touch each side of his face. His eyes fly open and dart back and forth, mouth ready to spew hate and threats when he recognizes the face in front of his. 

Dean.

Sam laughs and swallows a dry cough. The visions are getting even clearer, he didn’t think that was possible. Dean is saying something, Sam can see his lips moving but the ringing in his ears hasn’t stopped and honestly, he doesn’t want to hear what his brother will accuse him of next. Last time it was his fault that Lucifer was set free, both times. And the time before that, Dean told him that Charlie would still be alive if he hadn’t dragged her into his fight. _‘Might as well have murdered her yourself, Sammy.’_ So yeah, actually, maybe the ringing in his ears isn’t so bad after all.

The phantom hands on his arms feel as real as his own; each detail as vivid on his skin as if Dean were actually there. 

A blur of movement catches his eye and he looks to his left to see Castiel standing before him. That’s a new one. Cas hasn’t accused him of death or destruction yet. He’s almost curious enough to try to focus on him and hear what he’s saying. He wouldn’t be wrong. They all tell him things he already knows. 

But then Dean taps his face, gets him to focus on him again. He looks worn out, Sam thinks, tired like he’s been on a nonstop hunt for a few days. Sam tries to look away but Dean’s hands on his face are firm. Figures. Dean was always the most cruel in these visions. 

“Screw….you,” Sam croaks out. His voice is raspy from yelling and dehydration. Getting words out anymore is a struggle, really, but he won’t submit. He won’t. 

He sees Dean’s eyebrows furrow and mouth start moving again. This close, Sam should be able to read his lips. 

“Sam, Sammy. Hey man, it’s me. It’s Dean. Come on.” 

Typical. Sam isn’t an idiot, he knows his brother’s face. It’s etched in his mind for all eternity, the only way he’ll ever see it again. Looks like this vision is going to torture him slowly. Must be the effect of so much of that goddamn drug running through his veins. 

“My brother is dead. You’re not real. Not real. No. No. N-” 

Sam’s not up for this right now. He can’t see Dean. Can’t hear him say all of the truths he knows are coming. 

“Leave me alone. No!” His throat hurts, feels like it’s on fire. But the ringing has stopped and he needs to drown out Dean’s voice somehow. 

“Sammy. Hey, Sammy listen to me. It’s me. It’s Dean. I’m alive, I’m ok. This is real, Sam. SAM! Look at me. I’m real, little brother. Come on, fight this.” 

Sam’s head starts to swim. The visions haven’t ever been like this before. Haven’t tricked him into thinking his brother is back and here to save him. They’re always of death. Of loss. 

“Dean?” It comes out shaky, his voice quivering because maybe this isn’t in his head afterall. Maybe his brother did find a way out of that mess with God and Amara. They are Winchesters afterall. 

“Yeah, man. There you are. It’s me, it’s Dean. You’re gonna be ok, Sammy. Gonna get you outta here.” 

Sam can’t hear any lies in his voice, no sounds of deceit or trickery. God, this is it. His brother is ok and he’s getting him out of here. 

He feels hands working on freeing his wrists and a pair on his ankles removing the shackles holding him in place and he realizes he closed his eyes again. He opens them up and it’s Dean kneeling before him, freeing his feet. Cas must be behind him then, his mind supplies. 

Relief floods him as he breaks down with no control over it. He’s ok. Dean is ok. He’s alive. His big brother came to rescue him. He always does. Sam should’ve never doubted- 

But then he sees her. Standing stock still behind Dean, eyes locked onto Sam’s own. And Sam should’ve seen this coming. The one person who has yet to show up in his visions. The first person whose death was his fault. 

Makes sense now, this whole cherade his mind churned out. The drug loves to make you hate yourself, see all of the wrong and evil that you’ve done. Of course it would save the worst for last. The one that started it all. Mary Winchester. He got his own mother killed. Burned on the ceiling right in front of him. 

He lets his eyes fall closed, knows they’ll be gone when he wakes up the next time. He’ll have to remember this particular vision. File it away in the back of his mind so he can keep track of reality. He was almost fooled by this one. Almost. 

**Author's Note:**

> Idk how this happened. I just wanted angsty wincest but then brother feels happened and suddenly this was 1k of darkness and despair. 
> 
> Constructive criticism is always welcome!
> 
> Come stalk me on [tumblr](http://www.cultofwerewolves.tumblr.com)


End file.
